I am not itty bitty.

Contrary to what you read at the top of this page, I am NOT itty bitty.  Not even close.  I am in fact, quite the opposite - large and fluffy!  In other words, fat, overweight, big, plus size, whatever you want to call it.  I hate describing myself in that way, but it's not like I can hide it. You take one look a me and it's obvious.

I have struggled with my weight for a while now.  When I was in high school, I was wearing my size 7 jeans and eating smaller portions so I wouldn't be fat!  Oh, for those days!  I can remember the first time my weight really, really bothered me.  After I graduated high school, I started really putting on weight.  I got engaged to my high school sweetheart and was planning my wedding at age 22.  They say every little girl dreams of her wedding dress.  Not me.  I had put on more weight than I wanted and I dreaded every minute of buying and looking for a dress.  I remember taking my poor mother to a gazillion stores, while she tried to convince me they looked good and how beautiful I would be on that day, but I was still a short, chubby gal trying to look good in a dress made for a tall, skinny gal.  Of course, we finally found a dress, but I wasn't comfortable with myself in it.  Things just went downhill from there.

After 3 1/2 years, my husband decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore, so he left and re-married in a few months.  I don't think I've ever said this out loud, but when I looked in the mirror, I could totally understand why he would want to go.  I was certainly not a wife that you'd be proud to show off to your friends.  Now, I realize these thoughts are not the type of things we should think about ourselves, but it's the truth.  Moving on, I met my current husband and we married in a few years.  Since that time, we've had job struggles, money struggles, emotional struggles and of course, my weight struggles.  Through the ups and downs, my coping mechanism has been food (and Dr. Pepper).  I now weigh more than I ever have and I am completely miserable with myself.  I feel fat and tired and ugly and disgusting.... should I go on?

Now... I tell you all this, not to make you feel sorry for me, but to help you understand the real me.  I am not very good at showing people the real me.  I have always been a pretty strong person that just got through the rough things because I had to and it's not my personality to quit.  For those of you who read this and have never met me in person, this is what you'd see.  I'm super chatty, outgoing, silly, like to be in control (yikes, I know!), a perfectionist and mostly an optimist.  A lot of folks have said "You're so confident!".  Whatever.  I am quite the opposite.  I doubt my abilities in just about every area of my life, I just hide it well to most people.

So, what does this have to do with weight loss?

I decided that I am going to change my life and my health - permanently this time.  And I want to share that journey - successes and failures - with all of you.  I want to be completely transparent because I want you to know the real me.  I want to you to know that you're not alone and that we can do this.  I want you to know that God loves me and you just the way we are. I want you to know that, if we stick together, we will succeed.

Oh yes.... One last thing..

Why did I name this blog "The Itty Bitty Blonde Girl"?  Well, I am blonde and itty bitty in terms of height - 5 foot nothing.  But, here's the real reason...  Someday, I want someone to look across the room and describe me as the itty bitty blonde girl and not be referring to my height!  Crazy, I know, but that's how my brain works. I could lie and say it's all about my health but it's not.  That's part of it, but not all.  I want to look good and feel comfortable and not hate myself when I look in the mirror.

As I embark on this journey, I hope to share my feelings, recipes, tips, ideas and who-knows-what else?  I hope you'll join me for every step of the way.

Cheryl